You Know You're A Bodybuilder If....

• You cut the collars out of all of your workout shirts.
  
  
• You wear shorts that are tighter than most womens shorts.
  
  
• All of your workout clothes resemble a zebra for some reason.
  
  
• You drink more water than a camel in the middle of a drought.
  
  
• You wear some kind of big utility work boot when you lift.
  
  
• You know where the best mirror is in the gym that shows your definition.
  
  
• You tend to do most of your workouts in front of the mirror.
  
  
• You literally read Bodybuilding magazines cover to cover.
  
  
• You have face wrinkles from intense grunting and straining that normal people don't have.
  
  
• You have no idea what supplements to take.
  
  
• Your monthly supplement bill is more than your monthly mortgage.
  
  
• If you happen to wake up at 3:00 a.m., you make yourself a protein shake.
  
  
• You start lifting earlier than the U.S. military even gets out of bed.
  
  
• You take 30 minutes loading 45 pound plates on the leg press machine when you do legs.
  
  
• You tend to run instead of sprint, jog instead of run, speed walk instead of jog, walk instead of speed walk, sit instead of walk, lay down instead of sit, nap instead of lay down and sleep instead of nap just to give yourself more rest and recuperation time to grow.
  
  
• You have more bikini's than your wife or girlfriend.
  
  
• You can't stop yourself from squeezing a front abdominal shot in the mirror when you are the only one in a public restroom.
  
  
• You do the above even with people in the restroom and ask them what they think.
  
  
• Your wife or girlfriend has more body hair than you do.
  
  
• Your abdominals are super ripped, but for some reason this area is so bloated that it bulges out further than your chest.
  
  
• You hate 13 page magazine information articles on new supplements.
  
  
• Eight of your buddies have to sit on top of the leg press machine when you do legs.
  
  
• Donkey calf raises don't embarrass you anymore.
  
  
• You prefer black and white photos of yourself instead of color.
  
  
• You appear in 4 out of 8 major Bodybuilding magazines each month.
  
  
• You camp out in front of the book store waiting for the new Bodybuilding magazines to hit the shelf.
  
  
• You know that watching T.V. and eating protein powder won't make your muscles grow.
  
  
• You own part of a major supplement company or nutrition franchise.
  
  
• You endorse supplements that you wouldn't even use yourself.
  
  
• When you were in the military and had to deploy over seas, you packed tons of tuna in your luggage.
  
  
• Your workout now takes 1 hour or less compared to when you use to lift for 3 hours a day every day.
  
  
• You know where the best corner of the gym is where the light above you shows off all of your serration's the best.
  
  
• People stop working out and watch you as you do your dead lifts.
  
  
• You need 2 spotters when you do squats.
  
  
• You pose more than 20 times a day in any mirror available.
  
  
• You boil eggs 3 dozen at a time.
  
  
• You eat tuna and rice for breakfast.
  
  
• You have to tan year around.
  
  
• You listen to punk music on your walkman during your leg and dead lift days.
  
  
• You have realized and accepted that your "partying" days are now over.
• You eat 6 to 9 meals a day.
  
  
• You know the gram count of every known protein food source on the planet.
  
  
• A rice cake contains more water in it than you do on the day of your competition.
  
  
• Even your butt has serration's on it.
  
  
• Your veins look like a road atlas of the U.S.
  
  
• Your wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend just up and left you one day.
  
  
• You have thrown up after doing heavy legs.
  
  
• You dry heave after doing heavy legs.
  
  
• You REALLY can't straighten out your elbows.
  
  
• Your triceps sit out at 45 degree angles from resting on your huge lats.
  
  
• When you hear six-pack, you think of abs instead of beer.
  
  
• You always have a cooler of food riding shottie in you car.
  
  
• You have ever missed an event because it would have interferred with your workout schedule.
  
  

Sports Commentators Blunders

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"